Jason Robert Ballard - x4

Tuesday, July 21st

Jason Robert Ballard

Sunday, July 12th

I hate backtracking but for the sake of a good journal...

We went to Gettysburg for the weekend, the July 4th weekend, which coincidentally enough was the days that the battle took place. I'd been there before, only once though with Julie Bartholomew. The irony of ghost at Gettysburg wasn't exactly funny. I thought I saw her everywhere. We stayed Friday-Sunday, but it felt like a week... Friday we didn't even leave the hotel, we had a pool side suite with a tiki bar. Not that we needed it because Jerry brought enough alcohol with him for the entire weekend. Raspberry margaritas, pina coladas, and this drink called a toasted almond... Saturday we went to the grave site which is why we went in the first place. Jerry's father is buried in Gettysburg and he hadn't been down there in awhile. I had scotch for the first time, not impressed. That night we did a ghost tour, I went with the kids... It cost 16 bucks a person but you get night vision and emf detectors and temperature gages. I kept lighting up the emf detector, I think one of the ghosts was getting a little too friendly with it's distance to me. The Sunday we did batting cages, mini golf and gokarts for a solid 3 hours. The pictures are on my facebook.

Tomorrow I'm going to my aunts down in Monticello. Sadly I won't be able to go hang out with anyone down there because I'm just a passenger in the car, but I'm excited to play guitar hero drums all day and swim in a pool over 60 degrees.

My sisters dance recital was yesterday.

Jill is coming on Tuesday! to play beer pong and steal me away to Rochester until Sunday :o)

That's all really... I'll think of more later.

Wednesday, July 1st

I suppose my journals never work because I only update on boring days.
Days that are full of interesting things, are usually so full that I don't have time for things like this.
I'm not good at backtracking. I'm not good at recaps.
Last weekend was brilliant, Jill, Becca, Marci? Yeah, I don't fucking know.
We filtered barton vodka through a brita system and got gray goose. (mythbusters proven)
NYC gay pride, I have to admit that being there made me miss Sasha, idk in what way.


This weekend, for the fourth of July, the guy my mom is seeing - Jerry, is taking us all to Gettysburg, king size suites, poolside, with a tikibar.... I'm excited. The last time I was down there was Julie though...

Today though, I'm just still fucking itchy. I found out some devastating things. And my mom had a fit about the house being a mess so I went to my grandmothers to watch So you think you can dance. That's it.... boring huh?

In short, I'm going to bed now.

Thursday, June 26th

A little advertising, for a good person...
I know this girl, well, even though I haven't seen her in I'm not sure how long anymore. Her name is Tabatha Hansen, she may be going by Tabatha Shaun (something about Hansen being taken on IMDB.com already.) and she's sweet and real and honest. She bought an acoustic guitar and she writes her own music about her life and her experiences. She's not your typical singer, honestly she'd be hard to market on mainstream, she's the type of music the cool kids listen to at their vegan coffee shops with their handmade clothes they're selling on their etsy pages. But I love her. And this is her myspace page: myspace.com/tabathashaun

In other news, I'm still itchy... The medicine only works in daylight? I doubt it. Maybe I'm an insomniac after all. Tomorrow a fun weekend starts! I have laundry and such to do, and then when mom gets home I'm going to pick Jill up at the train station in Middletown and hang out with the most amazing people, honestly, they make me so happy. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a place I truly belong, Rochester has become a semi home for me, but when I go "home"... I mean I go to them. Mis-matched, eccentric people, like the dinnerware of a college student.

Transformers was great, and not just because of Megan Fox. It was insanely long however, and action scenes involving two transformers get confusing, I hope they don't expect you to ever know what moves are being made or who is winning, because it's all just parts to me until someone falls. I have to say that although hot, I think the Megan Fox motorcycle shot was cliche and a lot of it was predictable... but it was still epic.

I also bought a table. A sofa table... it goes behind your sofa or in a hall way because it's tall and thin. It's beautiful, it was estimated at $340 and I got it for thirty because there wasn't anyone at the auction really. It was stupid hot, and then it hailed pebbles so hard that the security system at the office went off.

I'm reading a book called "Phantoms of the mind".... More about that later, I stopped itching which means I have about an hour to fall asleep before I can't.

In short.... Goodnight!

Tuesday, June 24th

I missed a day, oh well.

I'm falling into a routine. There is a tanning bed inside of my house, how am I supposed to resist? Two sets of free weights, an exercise bike... if self improvement is masturbation, maybe I just need to have sex? That would be nice, sadly I'm bad at the execution of that act. I could get the queen of england to fall head over heals in love... But I've been told I'm too sweet to be sexy. Is that possible?

What did I even do today... I hung out with Brandon, what a guy, he wants to be a girl... Everyone around me is backwards haha. Noah made his appointment with Melanie from the Mezzoni center today, I'm happy for him, it's where he wants to take his life and I'm glad that I could help.

I miss Jill. I miss Rochester and everyone in it, and all the things I used to do and the people I used to know, and the big shot I used to be. There it literally... Nothing here.

The allergic reaction sucks still, I wake up like clock work at 6am itchy as all hell and I only have two pills per day to calm the fire under my skin. I should go to bed now before I get too much worse. I've found that reading until I can't keep my eyes open helps lol.

In short, I'm a metrosexual, My gay man is sick, My Tboy is on his way, and I still itch.

Sunday, June 21st

Fathers day, I forgot to call mine. We talked a couple days ago, he said it would be cool to fly me to Cali for a week this summer... I'm not holding my breath.

Continuing with the cottonseed drama, my chest felt super tight today so I had my mom bring me into the ER. They put nose tubes on me, an IV and pumped me full of antihistamines... Sooo nice not to itch like crazy anymore, i might actually be able to sleep tonight. Seems like it's always something, I wonder if anyone really lives without just working through one problem at a time. When does life start?

I need to go shopping soon, and get a shirt for NYC pride. I'm thinking of painting a giant T on my chest over my nipples and going topless. We'll see, I'll probably go for a white t-shirt, those seem to be my favorite lately. In metrosexual news, lol. The guy my mom is kind of seeing brought a tanning bed up into my mothers room, so now we get free sunless tanning... I'm trying not to be too excited, I'm debating whether to give it a try.

In short, I can never go too long without an emergency room visit, I flirt like I breathe because I talked the 57 year old nurse into getting me a milk carton with a bendy straw and she called me darling. And I need a new flirt buddy for the summer, they make things go by so nicely :o)

Saturday, June 20th

What a waste of a day.
I did nothing.
That is a lie, I started a facebook group called The All-American Tboys, for those of us that take transitioning and manhood very seriously. A group for us to finally have others who understand why we do the things we do.

Today I also discovered something very interesting about myself... I'm allergic to cottonseed oil. I guess that's interesting, but what is more so is how I found out. You see Testosterone can be made with sesame oil, or cottonseed oil. My previous bottle of T was made with sesame oil and I was fine... My last dose from that bottle was a half dose, so I had to take another half dose of the new bottle the following week. This new bottle is made with cottonseed oil, and shortly after caused my body to itch EVERYWHERE. I assumed it as a side effect of the hormone treatment in general and figured it would go away. I also thought it might be the hair growth on my body, and the fact that I'm not used to the itch that comes with it. After two weeks of itching, I take my second injection from this bottle, full dose... and break out into a rash all over my body and now I cant sleep it is so itchy. In short... I'm allergic to a substance that I just injected into my body that time releases itself for the next 8-10 days.

Not good.

Friday, June 19th

Hello everyone and welcome to my journal.

This is my first entry, so on the list of things I did today... include that.

I helped my grandmother do her food shopping this morning, she's not that old but her hip and leg give out a lot and make her cry =/ She kept running me over with that automatic cart they give you, or she'd stop and I'd keep walking, I probably have a lot of bruises haha.

What else? I had a T injection today, I lost count of which one I'm on, I think that's a sign of growing up... I've gone from being female, to being a transsexual, to just being Jason. It's nice.

Speaking of growing up, I chose to see Star Trek over Up! tonight, normally I'd have been all over the newest pixar. I think letting my inner child grow up is probably highly beneficial to me in a lot of ways.

In short... Grandmas got food, I've got hormones, and Star Trek was great.